1
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,720
Thank you.

2
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,350
Can't fall down. Got my finger there?

3
00:01:40,030 --> 00:01:41,770
The very famous Indian rope trick.

4
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You may have seen this trick because
I'll tell you what happens.

5
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I throw this into the air, it stands up
on its own, and a boy climbs up it.

6
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I will

7
00:02:02,310 --> 00:02:03,790
now make that jump from there down to
there.

8
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From there down to there. It's a whole,
whole high.

9
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There it is.

10
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There it is.

11
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There it is.

12
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There it is.

13
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eat no feet his wife could eat no lean
so between the both you see

14
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they died of starvation

15
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So I met this man at the airport.

16
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And he said to me, would you like to
share a taxi with me? I said, yes.

17
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He said, well, you take the wheels, I'll
take the engine.

18
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Oh, dear.

19
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I'm so fed up with this.

20
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Downstairs and downstairs.

21
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In his nightgown.

22
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And you think I'm that, sir?

23
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The vanishing bouquet of flowers.

24
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Was that my fault, that?

25
00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:16,370
It was all right for a long time.

26
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,060
Life of Chitty Grammar, Tom.

27
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,960
Well, it was the happiest time of my
life.

28
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Any particular reason?

29
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,840
Yeah, it was a girl's school.

30
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:28,400
I should have known that. Now, did you
have any particular ambition at school?

31
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:32,260
I mean, was there anything you wanted to
grow up into? Yes, I wanted to be an

32
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actor. An actor?

33
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Yes, I mean, because my father was a
great philosopher.

34
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:40,400
Oh, yes. And he said to me, it doesn't
matter if you let love slip through your

35
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,400
fingers.

36
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,020
or even money slip through your fingers.

37
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But when your fingers slip through your
fingers, you're in trouble.

38
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It's semi -jolly, that, isn't it?

39
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,900
You know, I think you're trying to tell
me, Tom, that you don't believe in

40
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:56,900
education.

41
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,680
Well, I wouldn't say that. Well, not
really. I mean, I knew a teacher once

42
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,740
was given this religious instruction,
you see.

43
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And this teacher said to this boy, who
knocked down the walls of Jericho?

44
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And he said, I didn't do it.

45
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:17,000
And he said, if I knew who did it, I
wouldn't tell you.

46
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That's what he said. He said, I wouldn't
cross on anybody.

47
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So this teacher was having lunch, you
know, and he said to this other teacher,

48
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,440
he said, what a funny school this is. He
said, my first day here.

49
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:33,860
He said, I asked this boy who knocked
down the walls of Jericho, and he said

50
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:34,860
didn't do it.

51
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,940
And he said, if he knew who did it, he
wouldn't tell me because he wouldn't

52
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cross on anybody.

53
00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:43,620
So this teacher said, wasn't he a little
fair -haired boy?

54
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With freckles. He said, yes.

55
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:48,270
He said, well, if he said he didn't do
it, he didn't do it.

56
00:09:53,370 --> 00:09:54,270
So this

57
00:09:54,270 --> 00:10:02,050
teacher,

58
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the same teacher, he went along to the
educational board, to see the chief

59
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officer there.

60
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,230
And he said to him, he said, do you
know, it's the funniest school he's ever

61
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met.

62
00:10:14,569 --> 00:10:16,910
He said, I said to this boy, who knocked
on the door to Jericho?

63
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And he said... I'm laughing.

64
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,090
I know what's coming next.

65
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:32,130
And he said, who knocked on the door to
Jericho? He said it twice.

66
00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:35,750
And he said, I didn't do it.

67
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:38,230
And he said, if I knew who did it, I
wouldn't crash on anybody.

68
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See?

69
00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:45,980
So... I was... Speaking to this other
teacher, this other teacher said, well,

70
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:46,980
told this other teacher.

71
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,520
I said, I wonder what I'm talking about
now.

72
00:10:53,620 --> 00:11:00,240
I said to this teacher, to this other
teacher, I was talking to this boy, I

73
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:05,580
said, who knocked on the walls of
Jericho?

74
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,740
See, and he said he didn't do it.

75
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:11,960
He said, and if he did, he didn't know,
he wouldn't tell anybody.

76
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,310
He said,

77
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:26,150
what if he didn't do it?

78
00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:29,250
He said, what if he didn't do it? He
said, what if he didn't do it? He said,

79
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,129
what if he didn't do it?

80
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:33,090
He said, what if he didn't do it?

81
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:37,390
He said, what if he didn't do it?

82
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,380
to show how versatile I am.

83
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,980
I'd like to give you my impression of
Romeo and Juliet.

84
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:02,740
Which I don't think Doug has ever seen
before.

85
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,940
Romeo and Juliet. And I shall play both
parts.

86
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,080
I hear there was someone in your
chambers last night.

87
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,040
Yes,

88
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:51,840
there was.

89
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:46,420
I love kids. Went to school with them.

90
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:59,220
My boy came towards me the other day and
he walked slowly towards me. Oh,

91
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:00,739
it's wonderful.

92
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:01,740
He's only 15.

93
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,380
He'll be 16 soon, no one let him.

94
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,760
Oh, dear.

95
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,060
Oh, dear. That's all I'm saying.

96
00:15:26,819 --> 00:15:29,760
I joined a golf club last week.

97
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,280
Keeps coming apart.

98
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:56,320
I don't know what it means.

99
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,120
I don't understand these ones.

100
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:13,839
I've got two watches.

101
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:15,839
I've got millions of them.

102
00:17:24,579 --> 00:17:25,760
Which one would you like?

103
00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:30,960
Oh, I think I'll... Yes, I'll have that
one. Sure, sir.

104
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,760
What, that one?

105
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,840
Yes. Not Fred.

106
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:41,720
Fred? It's been three years since we
opened, kind of, Fred.

107
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:47,540
Don't be ridiculous, man. He's here to
be eaten.

108
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,000
Shh, he heard that.

109
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,220
I know all his moods.

110
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,640
Look at him swooping about there.

111
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,040
Oh, that was so.

112
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,640
I thought he was a trout.

113
00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:58,480
Oh, it's jokes now, is it?

114
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,340
Oh, I'm feeling brute.

115
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:04,659
Look in there.

116
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,340
Fred, come on, Fred.

117
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:08,960
Choochie, choochie, choochie, choochie.

118
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:10,960
Choochie, choochie.

119
00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:12,740
You're not having it.

120
00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:15,889
manner, John.

121
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:16,890
Oh, that's different.

122
00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:24,050
You can have him. How do you want him,
fried or boiled?

123
00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:28,830
If you don't get me that trout, I shall
personally see to it that you are fired.

124
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,010
Oh, well, him or me is different. You
should have told me that in the first

125
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,010
place.

126
00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:35,170
Fred!

127
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,650
Come on, Fred. Look what I've got for
you, Fred.

128
00:18:41,890 --> 00:18:42,890
Come for a walkie, Fred.

129
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:35,410
Egg on toast.

130
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:21,379
tartar sauce.

131
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,660
It is like tartar sauce.

132
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,060
I'll take him to the chef.

133
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,500
I think I'd rather have the steak.

134
00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:05,180
Oh, there's a thought.

135
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,560
Yes, do you know, I think we'll both
have the steak instead.

136
00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:10,480
Steak? I'm not proud.

137
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,500
No. Oh, dear. All right.

138
00:22:57,130 --> 00:22:58,750
How do you mean?

139
00:23:03,910 --> 00:23:10,470
Give me a shady nook by a family room
where no

140
00:23:10,470 --> 00:23:12,810
one else can see.

141
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:32,720
a bench for two where we can really kill
I'm out

142
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,720
she's gonna be if there's anyone